Insatiable for your love
by McGrey'sAnatomy
Summary: Can a dramatic loss bring Meredith and Derek together again? Can they talk about their issues? MerDer fic. short story post 4.11
1. Chapter 1

Meredith could not leave the hospital room, where Bailey was watching over her boy

Meredith could not leave the hospital room, where Bailey was watching over her boy. Bailey set down on a chair beside her son's bad, slowly rubbing his little hand and rarely blinking. Bailey was like a mother to her; Ellis gave her birth and helped her go to school but Bailey made her become a grown-up. She felt she owned something to her, all she could offer her at that moment was her presence.

"You need your child to be there for you on your way out from this world." Meredith whispered and small tears started forming in her eyes. Through in a strange way, Meredith was there when Ellis walked to the light.

"What?" Bailey looked up at her confused.

Meredith smiled slightly and looked at little Tucker. "I missed my father and I still miss him." she choked as she continued. "He will need his father."

That was her way to tell Bailey not to become a Ellis Grey. Bailey understood the meaning of her words and looked down at her little boy. "You are going to get home late."

Meredith brought a chair to the other side of the bed and set down. "Nobody is waiting for me at home."

Bailey just glanced to her and then she returned to her grieving.

The silence fell over that room and only a machine was counting the flowing of time.

Meredith propped her chin on one hand and touched lightly Tucker's hand and a small smile crossed her lips as she did that. It was just a small smile that showed some hope for herself. It was just a small smile that faded away too fast and left her tearing again. Nobody was waiting for her at home; no mother, no father, no Derek... not even a dog or a cat. Her roommates were dealing with their own personal lives, so ... she was alone. A tear slid down her cheek as she realized her sad reality. "I am pregnant." She muttered silently as if she wanted to keep the news to herself but in the same time to share it with others.

Bailey rose her head towards her. Her eyes were now expressing only candor and sympathy. She was no longer the Nazi; the little woman who could have taken the control over a hundred people at the same time.

Meredith chocked when she swallowed a sob. "What do I do?" She needed an answer from the woman who during the past year had become a spiritual mother to her.

Bailey smiled warmly, something that she had never done before in front of her interns. "We are nobody without a family and a family isn't a family without a child."

Meredith watched her and biting her bottom lip, she held back another sob. The sob could not come out, but the tears could. "Yeah" That's all she could say in that moment. She looked back at sleeping Tucker and ran her hand over his tiny body. That's why they call life a miracle. "I am considering moving... somewhere sunny." She whispered.

Bailey looked at her again this time with her well-known reproaching look. "You lectured me about how my son will need his father. Won't yours need theirs?" She asked her guessing her intention to run away from Derek straight away. She didn't know for sure if Meredith and Derek were still a couple, but she knew how they loved to make their lives complicated and how much they loved the drama.

Meredith looked at her and meeting her reproaching eyes, the guilt got her. Bailey was right. She was already a bad mother for not being able to commit with her baby's father; taking it away from Derek, would make her just like Ellis.

"So what do I do now?" Meredith asked looking for advice.

This time, Bailey didn't bother to take her eyes away from her son. "Go and make that damn arrogant ass happy."

"I think he hates me." Meredith said. "And he has somebody else... I think."

Bailey looked at her. "Go and make him happy anyway." she told her. "Maybe you two aren't meant to be together but you two are definitely meant to be parents." There was no doubt, Bailey had an answer for everything... or maybe, less for her own private life. "See? That's why I asked you not to use the on call rooms for things that requires them locked." Not even now when she was dealing with her own personal issues, she didn't stop from being their teacher.

Meredith glanced at Bailey, guilty biting her bottom lip.

She knew them so well.

"Would you change anything at your life if you could?" Meredith asked her looking down at little Tucker and clearly referring to her family.

"Yes" Bailey muttered after a short moment of silence. "I would be just a simple resident now, mother for my son and wife for my husband."

With Bailey's statement, Meredith got her answer.

Meredith left Bailey watching in peace over her son's sleep. She was now froze on a spot in the middle of the main lobby; her body was frozen as well as her brain. Now she was literally screwed.

Where was she supposed to go now?

What was she supposed to do now?

Derek. Derek woke her up and brought her back to her senses, when she spotted him heading towards her direction. Her heart stopped from beating for a second when she saw him stopping beside her. That was a hope, wasn't there? She asked herself.

"Good night, Dr. Grey!"

Dr. Grey. That name sounded so ugly and ... cold, hearing it from Derek. She was Meredith for him or at least she used to be Meredith. Now she was Dr. Grey. She was Dr. Grey pregnant with Derek's baby.

Derek's baby. Derek's baby because he was still Derek for her.

"Derek" She returned from her trance in time to stop him. "Can we... talk?"

"Talk?" Derek looked at her curious. "Do you think we can actually talk? Are you sure?" He asked her bitterly.

Meredith felt already defeated and she was ready to back out when she remembered Thatcher. "Please" She didn't want Derek to be Thatcher and she definitely didn't want to be Ellis. "Whenever you can... any hour"

"I have to go." Derek replied coldly and turned around picking up his jacket on his way out of the hospital.

"I'll be home..." Meredith found the energy to announce loud enough to make herself heard by him, from the long distance they were from each other. "Just... please!" her words died in their own echo and Meredith felt the ground breaking under her feet... unstable; the Earth started to spin too fast for her.

Derek pulled the car on his land not very far from his trailer. Nervously, his fingers ran through his hair and then rolled into fists to hit the steering wheel. He just returned from Meredith's house. Somehow he had believed her when she told him she wanted to talk. Now he was furious because he had actually believed her. When he knocked at her door the silence was the one who answered. He had had a pleasant dinner with Rose and for almost two hours he felt good and relaxed. He had to allow Meredith to let him down again. He had to put an end to this right away. Everything between him and Meredith was over ... so over... definitely over.

Over until his pager went on. He had just pulled his car on the side of his land when the pager called for him. Reluctantly, he picked it up and checked it... 911. Not everything was over.

"Derek Shepherd speaking." He called at hospital and introduced himself before someone could speak first at the other end of the line. His voice was tired and disillusioned.

"Dr. Shepherd! It's Dr. Bailey." Bailey's voice was grave, intended for Derek to flinch alerted.

"What's wrong? Is Tucker alright?"

"No... Tucker is fine. It's... Meredith... Meredith, Derek." Bailey's voice was sounding now at the edge of a breaking. It was no longer grave... it was painful.

His body became limp. The blood pulled away from his face. His breath stopped. His heart remained the only one alive, beating like crazy.

"Please come! I can't... I can't look out for all of them. It's too much."

Derek snapped the phone shut and revived the engine. The wheels creaked on the road at the car's 360 degrees rotation.

Running along the familiar aisles, he started feeling a stranger. He was no longer a doctor. Something deep inside him told him that. He wasn't there to heal someone's body.

His feet froze in a spot when a few feet away from him, Cristina was sitting collapsed along the wall, crawled up in a ball; her face deep sunk between her legs.

"Dr. Morrison is with her." A light hand touched his shoulder. Derek processed slowly, rewinding over and over again Izzie's information. "She took her to the OR."

Robotic, his limp body shrugged from Izzie's hand and walked ahead. The stares, the others, all of them were shadows.

Derek stepped inside the scrub room, his eyes immediately catching the inside of the OR. He couldn't see her, but he knew she was there. On that table, surrounded by doctors and nurses. Without breaking the gaze from the window, Derek found a gown and a mask. He threw the gown around the shoulders and walked inside the OR tying the mask around his face.

"Dr. Shepherd." Dr.'s Morrison greeted him with sympathy, same as the other's stares. "Miscarriage" She diagnosed professionally. But nothing mattered to Derek anymore.

He walked straight to Meredith's sleepy body and knelt beside her head, searching to hold her hand. His lips glued to her temple and stayed there breathing, eyes closed, mind blank. Everything had been locked somewhere in the back of his mind and soul. Her temple was damp and warm. His lips could easily feel the blood pulsating through her veins.

Derek stayed there during the whole surgery, keeping himself alive through Meredith's warm temple, her pulse remembering him from time to time to breathe.

It had been 6 long hours till Meredith woke up from anesthesia, during which Derek didn't leave her side, keeping warm her now cold hand. Another 3 long hours of Meredith's absence.

Comforting and loving, Derek stayed by her side brushing her hair with his fingers. It hurt him as much as her previous near-dead experience; she was alive now, but her brain seemed that. Tears had been constantly dripping from her eyes while her eyes stayed fixed over a spot on ceiling.

Constantly, Derek wiped her tears before he wiped his. Patiently, he gave her time to come out of that vegetative state, but each minute passing by made him feel her slipping further from him and he couldn't stand to watch that again; to live with the permanent fear of losing her in any second. Derek was aware of the cause this time; he knew he was responsible for it. He should have listened to her when she stopped him in the main lobby hours ago. Hours ago he could have done it right. He could have listened to her and let her share the news. They could have been in his trailer now or in her bedroom, maybe just talking, but they wouldn't have been here... like this.

"I am so sorry, Mer!" His lips kissed softly her ear as he came whispering, pressing on each word, insanely wishing to be enough to make her look at him at least. "Please..." He whispered choking a sob "Be strong. You have always been strong. Please stay strong... for me. We'll do it right this time... I'll do it right. I can't lose what I love the most in this world... I can't lose you." His face pulled back a little, painfully looking at the expressionless face. Nothing gestured the pain on her features... nothing but her tears. His fingers ran across each cheek, gently wiping away her pain... or so he wished. "What can I do to have you again? I can do anything... anything to help you." Derek ran his palm over his face, useless because the tears were too many to keep his vision clear and his cheeks dry. "I need you to need me, my love!" He whispered softly to her ear. "I need you to love me!" Derek closed his eyes, his face resting against Meredith's ear and the sobs broke out.

A strong hand squeezed his shoulder. "She is going to come out of this. She is strong." The warm voice of the man who has been a fatherly figure for the past year for Meredith, and Derek's mentor for the most part of his career spoke comforting. They were his subordinates, but they were his children as well.

Derek's sobs calmed down a little. Derek looked up and wiped his cheek before titling his head to one side to face Richard Weber. A tint of grateful smile showed up on his lips, but faded fast. Nothing was comforting enough. "She is strong..." Derek sighed, quietly speaking. "... but she is also very damaged." He sighed as he looked back at her. Her face was partially turned away from him. Her cheek looked so pale and lifeless.

"You should go eat something. Get some sleep." The Chief suggested. Derek shook his head refusing firmly. "I'll watch her until you get back."

But Derek refused and took her hand holding it tighter. "I'm good here." He mumbled closing his eyes again, sinking his face again against her head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for your reviews. I am glad you like this fic, though this isn't a very original plot. I started it a while ago and this is what came out. :)**

**Oh and a big Thank you to XxStephxX for being my Beta!! :)**

* * *

It was silence. A painful, heartbreaking silence. Her tears were silent, his pain was silent.

Derek's palm was sweaty; he hadn't let go her hand not even for half of second. Slowly, from time to time, he rubbed his fingers against her hand.

"I feel empty."

The whisper was hardly comprehensible, but it was loud and clear enough for Derek. Her voice was hoarse, but to Derek it sounded like music. He looked up at her and the exasperation overwhelmed him again. Nothing had changed; she was still motionless, expressionless. Derek shook his head thinking for a moment that he had lost his minds; that he was imagining the voice he wanted to hear the most. In that moment, her damp fingers moved against his palm and his heart felt like skipping out of his chest.

"Meredith" He whispered overwhelmed by relief and pain. His tears were faster now, dripping along his cheeks, he could hardly believe that the blurry image in front of him was real; that Meredith's beautiful eyes were watching him again. He ran the back of his hand over his eyes and covered her hand between his palms. Her eyes were as beautiful as always, but the reflection was painful. Derek smiled wishing to soothe her pain, to see the smile in her eyes as he used to see before. "Mer..." He only could say her name in a soft trembling voice; no word seemed enough to describe what he was feeling, what he wanted to tell her. He kissed softly her rigid lips; her lips were cold, but he did feel warmed a little; she was alive and conscious, but yet dead of pain.

"I feel so empty." Her words repeated. "I wanted it." She muttered. "I really did." Her voice was hoarse and low, sounding like she was addressing to herself. "I'm alone again."

Derek felt his eyes fill with tears again. He shook his head refusing to accept her words. "You are _not_ alone." He muttered firmly. He took her head between his hands and looked into her eyes. "You are _not_ alone." Derek repeated, emphasizing his words even more. "Do you hear me? Can you see me?" He asked her in a soft, but desperate voice. "I'm here, Mer and here is where I am going to be from now on." His thumbs gently wiped the tears from her cheeks.

She looked at him as if it was the first time she noticed his presence there. She lifted her arm and her fingers carefully touched his hair. Her eyes were wandering all over his face and her fingers were stroking strands from his hair. "I wanted it, Derek." Her voice whispered, calmer than Derek's.

"I know" Derek smiled warmly at her, still holding her head between his hands. "I know you did. I wanted it too, but ... now there's nothing we can do about it. It wasn't your fault, Meri. I promise I won't let you down again!"

Meredith smiled slightly and shook her head. "I let you down, Derek. So many times." Her voice became clearer. She wiped her face and looked away from Derek. "So many times" she repeated in a mumble.

"Don't say that." Derek shook his head, firmly refusing her words.

Meredith kept her face out of Derek's sight and her hand went to rest over her stomach now. "I didn't deserve it anyway." She mumbled to himself.

To hear her saying all those things, tore him apart as much as her previous near-dead experiences had. He made her face him again and looked straight in her eyes. "Why are you saying all this? Meredith, you are _not _to blame for your father's cowardice and you had _nothing_ to do with Susan's death. Meredith, can't you see what a remarkable woman you are? Everything that happened to you, your childhood... you made it through all these Meredith. You are a fighter, you have to fight for more. Fight for your happiness, your own family." He was desperately trying to convince her that her issues weren't permanent, but during his attempt, Meredith shook her head continually denying.

"I am not a fighter, Derek." She ran her palm over her face again and sniffed. "I didn't fight for my life that day. When I fell in water... I stopped, Derek! I didn't fight. I wasn't strong enough to fight... not even for you."

Her last words were a sharp knife in his heart. He knew it, but to hear it confessed from her mouth was more painful.

"See?" Meredith smiled slightly as she caressed his cheek. "I don't deserve good things. I don't deserve you. I was selfish."

Derek's eyes were drenched in tears. "No." he shook his head. "I was selfish too... for not giving you time to come to me. I pushed you each time. I asked you too much. I wanted you all at once... too fast."

"I love you, Derek! You are the love of my life. You are a good man and you have the right to be happy." This time, she was the one wiping his tears before wiping her own.

Derek took her hand and held its palm on his cheek. "But I can't be happy without you, so what do we do now?" He chuckled.

Meredith continued to cry quietly and biting her lip. She smiled up at him, smiling down on her until she let out a giggle. "What do we do now?" She asked back.

Her smile and her giggle soothed his heart... so much that the tears stopped. "I know" He said after a short pause while he gazed on her smiling. "We are going to work this out." He said referring at their relationship. "I'm going to prove to you that you can trust me from now on and you will prove to me that you are a fighter."

Meredith cupped his cheek in her hand and pulled his face down to her. Softly she kissed his lips and caressed them. "Can you hold me now? Just hold me, please?" She asked, her voice ready to break.

Derek smiled and Meredith made room for him in her hospital bed. She turned her back on him and let him spoon her. Holding her tight in his arms, Derek felt her breaking down. "You can cry. It's alright." He whispered softly to her ear, then sunk his face in her hair, breaking down himself. They both needed to let out the pain; the pain of losing their baby, the pain of the issues in their relationship. They both needed a fresh start.

Outside, in front of the window, Miranda Bailey was watching the couple in that hospital room.

"Is that... Derek Shepherd." A strong male voice asked.

She closed her eyes and a sob broke silently inside of her. "Yes" She answered nodding. "And that is Meredith Grey." She said opening her eyes again.

"What happened?" Her beloved's voice asked again.

"They just lost their baby." Her eyes filled with tears. "But they finally found each other." A strong hand squeezed her shoulder in comfort and she leaned her head to it, hugging it.

"They didn't need that to find each other." He admitted.

Miranda turned around and hugged him as her tight as she could. "They... they didn't" She broke down in her husband arms.


	3. Chapter 3

**_N/A: First of all, I am very sorry for not updating this fic for such a long time. _**

_**Secondly, Thank you all for your wonderful reviews.**_

_**Thank you Ella Kelly for editing this chapter and the following ones.**_

_**--**_

Derek slowly started waking up. He was still holding Meredith in his arms and half of his body was feeling numb. His eyes opened, slowly adjusting to the dim light of the hospital room and he smiled because the first thing he saw was Meredith's alert face.

"Hey," he whispered huskily. His fingers gently brushed strands of hair out of her face, and he smiled at her without breaking the gaze.

"Hey," Meredith answered, smiling faintly at him. Her eyelids looked heavy and the image of her eyes was still dark, but Derek was finally able to sigh in relief.

Derek knew that the following weeks or maybe months wouldn't be easy for either of them, but to know her whiling to have him with her was assuring enough for him that things would end up well for them. "How are you feeling?" Derek asked her.

"I'm fine." Meredith closed her eyes smiling as she answered. When she opened them again, she met the same kind smiled that had warmed her for the last hours, but she could also read the distrust in his eyes.

"You're lying," he whispered as he leaned to her and kissed the tip of her nose. He cupped her cheek and kissed her softly on the lips. "How are you feeling?" he asked her again.

Meredith smiled and in an instant, her eyes watered as she decided to be honest with him and with herself. "Better… I think."

"It will get even better, you'll see." Derek smiled encouragingly at her. "You look tired… but still beautiful." He chuckled flirtatiously.

His compliment seemed enough for Meredith to make her giggle. "You look tired too… but still McDreamy." At her compliment, Derek winced, smiling. "What?" she asked him, almost laughing.

"I don't really like the nickname," Derek explained. "But I guess it sounds good when you are the one that says it." His smile became brighter and dreamier.

Her eyes lightened a little bit. She stretched her arms, yawning. Derek didn't know it, but she had been awake for a few hours now. Each time a nurse came in to check on her, Meredith closed her eyes pretending to be asleep. She had wanted to have her privacy with Derek. The fact that Derek was sleeping was even more comfortable. She felt so peaceful and so good in his arm, just watching him sleeping. "What time is it?" she asked.

As he got up from the bed, Derek started feeling the numb part of his body again. His eyes grew huge in surprise as he checked his watch. "It's already past 5 o'clock in the afternoon." He stretched his body, wincing in pain and rotating his shoulder joint back and forth. "Thank God! I thought I was getting old." Derek chuckled hoping for Meredith to join to his amusement. But her eyes started watering again and wiped the smile off his face. "Meri!" Derek leaned towards her, worried, and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "What's wrong?"

Tears were streaming slowly from her eyes. She shook her head futilely indicating for Derek not to worry. But, Derek remained there, hovering over her, patiently waiting for her to let out her pain or her worry, which was making Meredith feel even worse. Looking up at him, she barely fought back a sob as she muttered," I'm sorry."

"What's wrong, Meredith?" Derek asked her in a calm, comforting voice.

Through tears, she succeeded in letting out a short laugh. She was telling herself not to break down. "I'm like a pain in your ass."

Derek smiled widely at her and laughed. He kissed her softly on the lips and then closed his eyes, smiling and pretending to be thinking about something. "No," he said and opened his eyes in the same time. "I can't feel any pain there."

Meredith laughed and rubbed her wet cheek against the palm he was holding to it. "Then in your shoulder."

"Maybe," Derek answered. "But it's not that bad." He wanted to wipe her cheeks again, but Meredith took his hand and intertwined her fingers with his, holding them beside her cheek.

"You should go eat something," she said. "And sleep for a while."

Derek smiled and shook his head. "I already slept too much and I am not hungry yet. You are the one who needs more rest and food than anyone."

"I am already eating," Meredith smiled as she lifted her arm and showed him the IV.

"Ok, then stop worrying about me or anyone else and let me be worried about you." As Derek was saying that, Meredith started shaking her head. "What?" Derek asked her amused, without suspecting how much the last part of his statement was hurting her.

"I don't want you to be worried about me either…not anymore." She turned her eyes away from him, gazing at his fingers, and muttered with a tinge of sadness. "I'm not fine… but I'm fine," Meredith trailed off the words.

Derek chuckled. "Ok, Ms. Fine. I got it! Now come here." He lay down on the bed and opened his arms for her.

"What about your shoulder?" she asked him.

"My shoulder is fine too," he replied, smiling.

Meredith moved closer, nestling comfortable against him, resting her head on his shoulder, while his arms covered her warmly and protectively. She felt warm and comfortable in the complete embrace of his body. As she felt him kissing her head and then resting his cheek on it, Meredith tightened her arm around his body and closed her eyes.

Everything had been exhausting for them; Meredith's surgery, all the strong emotions they had endured drained them both physically and emotionally. The only cure they felt strong enough to soothe them was each other's presence.

"Why am I here?" Meredith asked in a mumble. Derek had been brushing his cheek against her head until he heard her question and the confusion from her voice. With a desperate gesture, he lifted her chin to look at her. She wasn't losing her mind, was she?

His fear faded as she smiled at him and nodded. "I do know… why I am here," she said placing her hand over her stomach. "But I don't know how … what happened?" she asked.

Derek sighed as if something heavy had fallen over his heart and thoughts. Everything else had held his thoughts, but nothing related to the cause of Meredith's miscarriage. He had been in the OR with her, but all he could do in that moment was to focus on how to breathe and stay strong for her. Shameful, but he didn't have the right answer; the only answer he could give her was a discreet shake of his head. He closed his eyes and brought her head to rest on him again. "I don't know," he whispered, muffling his words in her hair. "All that I know is that you are here with me now."

"That's ok," she whispered back. It was indeed ok. She didn't really want to know in that moment. She had Derek back and that was what mattered the most for now. But this consolation brought another fear.

Meredith looked up at him, fearful. She was afraid to do that. She didn't want to do that, but there was one last doubt, so she pulled herself from Derek's arms. "What if I wasn't pregnant?"

Derek looked at her confused.

"Would we have had a chance if I wasn't pregnant? Or are you here only because I lost the baby?" she asked.

Derek sighed. He was just a little disappointed. He knew it wouldn't be easy with Meredith. Nothing was easy with her. This time, he decided to be patient. His arms folded around her again and brought her head back to his shoulder. She protested at first, but Derek persisted until her body became limp. "I don't know where we would have been if … this hadn't happened," he said, pausing for a short second, as he found it difficult to mention the miscarriage. "I don't know." His arms tightened around her. "But I love you so much and I am sure I would have found a way to bring you back. I'm here now because I love you."

Meredith started tearing up again. He was doing so much for them and she was doing so little. "Derek." She looked up at him. "I'm not what you want me to be, but I will be."

Derek smiled warmly, gently holding her chin with one finger. "Right now, I want you to be here with me," he replied and leaned to her for a soft kiss. He lingered in caresses and short kisses. "Mer," Derek whispered and pulled his face further from her. "You don't have to talk about this now if you don't want to, but how long did you know you were pregnant?"

Meredith looked away as she shrugged. "Probably two hours," she muttered, glancing up at him for his reaction. He was still there, patiently listening. "I didn't even become aware of it until… until I talked to Bailey. I was going to tell you."

Derek closed his eyes briefly, fighting back the guilt. There wasn't anything he could have done to prevent it, but the guilt of walking away from her in that moment kept washing over him.

"Now I know what I want," she continued. "I want to be as good as Dr. Ellis Grey and much better than Ellis Grey." Derek smiled in response. "I have a dream." Meredith smiled after a short silence.

"Is it a secret?" he asked her.

"No." Meredith shook her head. "But I'm not going to tell you about it now."

Derek pursed his lips in a cheap act to lighten her spirit more. Meredith giggled, shaking her head. "I didn't know you could act this childish." She reached up to his lips, kissing him softly. A painful wince contorted her lips.

"You should move less." Derek put her back on the bed, slowly and carefully. Then he lay beside her and, with the same care, he slid his arm underneath her. He leaned over her and let her lips kiss him softly. He lingered, enjoying the warm, loving soothing of her lips, before he answered to them with same warmth and love.

A light knock on the door and the sound of it opening forced them separate their lips and moved Derek off Meredith.

"Hi." Lexie had stopped in the doorway, sheepishly smiling at them. "Am I am disturbing you?" she asked when she noticed the intimate position of their bodies.

"No." Derek stood up from bed. "Come on in, Lexie!"

Lexie stepped inside and, closing the door, remained not far from it. She hesitated in that spot before she dared to take another two small steps inside. "I was… on my way home. I wanted to know… how are you?" she asked them, but her eyes lingered sympathetically on Meredith.

Meredith looked away, uncomfortable with Lexie's sympathy, and fixed her gaze on Derek. Derek was holding her hand, so at her silence, he squeezed it, encouraging her to be nice to Lexie.

"I'm fine," Meredith finally spoke up and looked at Lexie. "Better," she added.

Lexie smiled with more courage this time. "I'm sorry for… what happened." She looked at both of them. "If there is anything you need…" she offered.

"We don't," Meredith muttered, cutting off her words. She sounded harsher than she had intended and immediately met the disapproval from Derek's eyes. "Thank you, Lexie!" She smiled briefly at Lexie. "We're good."

"We'll keep in mind your offer." Derek smiled gratefully at her.

In that moment, the door flew open and Cristina showed up inside. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she noticed Lexie's presence in there. "Do you have time to hover in hospital rooms instead of making yourself useful some place else?"

"I came to see Meredith," Lexie replied calmly. "Plus, I am off duty now."

"Good, then you can leave! Visiting hours have ended." Cristina didn't bother to look at her anymore.

"You are not her doctor so visiting hours are over for you too." Lexie didn't seem in the mood to let her resident wipe the floor with her again.

The scene was surprising for Meredith and Derek, who watched them in curious silence.

"Excuse me?" Cristina turned to her, indignant at Lexie's attitude and looking as if she was ready to stab her nails into Lexie's neck.

"You heard me." Lexie stood up, firm and fearless of Cristina threatening look. "You have no right to ask me to leave as you don't have the right to be in here either."

"Meredith is my friend," Cristina fumed in anger.

"Meredith is my sister," Lexie replied calmly.

"Since when?" Cristina asked ironically.

"Enough!" Derek shouted bringing silence between the two.

"What's going on here?" Richard Weber's bossy tone interfered as well, as he walked inside Meredith's room. "Dr. Yang, Dr. Grey, is there something you have to share with each other?"

"Yeah… Meredith." Derek chuckled.

"I have to go now." Lexie smiled as she came closer to Meredith. "Get well soon, Meredith!"

"Thank you, Lexie!" Meredith smiled more warmly this time, which made Lexie smile back, relieved.

Dr. Weber took Lexie's place beside Meredith's bed as Lexie walked away. "How are you feeling, Meredith?" he asked her in a warm fatherly tone.

"Better." It seemed to be her only answer to that kind of question… a sincere one though.

Richard Weber wasn't known as a man of many words. Meredith knew it and smiled, more comfortable to his cumbersome position. He nodded and then tilted his head to one side facing Derek. "Can I talk to you?"

Derek hesitated and looked first at Meredith. "Go." She smiled. He nodded and leaned down to kiss her. "I'll be right back."

"Take your time," Cristina interjected.

Derek glared at her. "I'll be right back," he repeated and kissed Meredith one more time. He pushed himself reluctantly from Meredith's bed and followed Dr. Weber outside.

_**--**_

_**The next chapter should be up very soon. **_


	4. Chapter 4

Sympathetic stares were following him on the patio, but he didn't bother to notice any of them. His second salad and a big cup of black coffee were much important.

"Derek, please try to breathe," Chief Weber told him, less than comfortable with Derek's hunger and the stares of the others doctors. "Maybe I should have given you an IV." Derek looked up at him smiling mouthful and sipping from his coffee. "Eat slower or your stomach will get messed up. There's no hurry," the Chief tried to convince him.

Derek pushed the salad away from his face and leaned back in his chair, with the coffee cup in his hand. "I want to go back to Meredith."

The Chief smiled slightly at him. He couldn't get him out of the surgery when Meredith was in the OR, so he knew what slight chances he had to convince him to go and take a rest for a few hours. "How is she? She says she is better but …" The Chief paused to shake his head. "I don't trust so much in her as patient."

"She is better," Derek admitted. "At least, I want to believe that she is better."

"How about you? Besides the hunger and the lack of sleep, how are you handling everything?" the Chief asked him in a fatherly tone rather than a professional one.

Derek smiled slightly as he shrugged. His fingers circled the edge of the cup, now thoughtful and somewhat depressed. "I am not even sure what happened. I didn't know she was pregnant until I got in the OR." His tone was full of regret and reproachful at the same time. "Everything happened so suddenly. All I know now is that I can hope for a healthy relationship with Meredith, what I don't know for sure is how we are to succeed at this."

The Chief remained silent, listening patiently.

"She asked me what happened and I didn't know what to tell her," Derek continued.

"She lost the consciousness in the main lobby. One of the doctors was passing by when she collapsed. Knowing her, he asked Dr. Bailey to be paged and then … you know Bailey's condition, so I took her…"

"You were in the OR?" Derek asked surprised.

The Chief was as surprised as Derek was. "You must have been very worried for her." Derek let his eyes down as answer. "Apparently…" The Chief picked up the summary of Meredith's surgery. "…It was going to be a miscarriage from the beginning. There was nothing that any of us could have done to avoid it. Dr. Morrison says that she is hopeful for full recovery and she can get again pregnant as soon as she recovers. Her blood pressure dropped a few times during the surgery and it's still not great…" The Chief paused, hesitating with the rest of the summary.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, almost breathlessly, guessing that the reason for the Chief's hesitation was something bad. Dr. Weber looked away, unable to stand the worry and the pain in Derek's eyes.

"Chief." Derek became even more alarmed and almost squashed the cup of coffee as he leaned over the table, looking as if he was ready to force the Chief to talk.

"She needs rest, Derek. She _can_ recover entirely and be as healthy as ever, so…" The Chief paused again.

"So?" Derek urged him.

"So I recommend to admit her to a health center." The Chief finally managed to say.

"To a mental institution?" Derek's voice echoed loudly enough to get the attention of the people around him, but not loud enough for all of them to understand what he had shouted.

"It's a health center, Derek," the Chief corrected him.

"No!" Derek was already shaking his head as the Chief corrected him. His refusal was firm.

"She needs specialized help. She has been through too much in a very short period; her mother, the drowning, her father, and Susan's death… Derek, nobody is strong enough to withstand all of that." The Chief's tone was now far from being kind; he was professional.

"No." Derek continued to reject the suggestion. "I can help her," he muttered and as he looked up at his chief, his eyes were almost begging. "This might cast her down even more. No. Her mother had Alzheimer and… she doesn't need any more scares or fears. You said it… she needs rest… and peace."

"I can't let her practice medicine in this condition," the Chief warned him. "She is smart. She knows she needs this for her own good and she also knows she is… not sick as Ellis was."

"No." Derek stayed firm.

"She's not under your custody and she can still take decision on her own," the Chief added. "Derek." He softened his voice, his tone more fatherly now. "I've known her for most of her life. I saw her growing up. Her mother was my… a very dear friend of mine and I promised her that I would look after her daughter. I wouldn't do this if I didn't know that this is the best thing for her."

"I can take care of her." Derek tried to stay convincing. "I know you want the best for her, but… you might be wrong. This might not be the best thing for her. I can take care of her. She needs… familiarity. I might be able to help her."

"She needs a break." His words were now more of a recommendation.

Derek nodded. "I'll take her on a vacation."

"Outside Seattle," the Chief added.

"I'll find the best place," Derek agreed.

"For at least one month," the Chief continued.

Derek agreed again. "I promise."

The Chief sighed in resignation. Leaning back in his chair, he folded his arms across his chest in a commanding air. "This means you will have to take time off from work."

"I've started to feel the need for a vacation," Derek chuckled, more relaxed now.

"Take good care of her." The Chief became commanding again. Derek nodded in response. "Should I order you something else to eat?"

Derek grimaced and shook his head. "You're right. I should worry about digestion."

The Chief snickered as he stood up. "You can go back to her now, but please don't join her as a patient too."

Derek smiled, nodding in agreement. As long as Meredith was fine, he was going to be fine too; she was his sleep, his food.


	5. Chapter 5

They were standing in silence for a couple of minutes now, not speaking or even looking at each other. Meredith was lying in her bed, facing the window and Cristina was sitting in bed beside her, thoughtful, reading Meredith's chart.

"Low blood pressure and hemorrhage to one of the Fallopian tubes as complication of miscarriage," Cristina read dryly from Meredith's chart.

"I didn't know I was pregnant, ok?" Meredith turned her face to Cristina, a little irritated by her grumpiness. "Actually I did, but I didn't have time to tell you that you were going to become a daddy," she added ironically.

Cristina didn't seem to have heard anything from Meredith's sarcasm as something in that chart got her full attention. Meredith noticed that and looked at her curios, even slightly worried. "What is it?" she asked her, almost in whisper, as if she was afraid to ask.

Cristina ignored her as she shut the chart and threw it on bed at Meredith's feet. After a short moment of silence while she seemed to be processing something, Cristina turned her attention to Meredith. "Ok, should I be compassionate now? Are you grieving or are you being yourself?"

Meredith gazed at her for a moment before answering. "I don't know," she mumbled.

"So you are grieving," Cristina concluded. She laid her legs in bed and resting against the headboard, folded her arms across the chest. "I didn't know you wanted to become mother."

"I didn't," Meredith said.

Cristina seemed to have missed Meredith's negation. "Then why are you grieving?"

"I…" Meredith started, confused, and paused for a short moment to clear her thoughts. "I'm not sure how I'm feeling. How am I supposed to feel now?" she asked, more to herself, but looking at Cristina.

"Derek has been your shadow, part of your body, like you were conjoined twins until I came to separate you," Cristina admitted with a hint of sarcasm in her voice and, as Meredith had well said previously, jealousy. She noticed the corners of Meredith's lips rising into an amused smile. "Save your sarcasm for your McDreamy or whatever he is these days."

Meredith kept her smile to herself now, as she fell into her own thoughts. "He is… McDreamy."

"Good, so we are done with the grieving!" Cristina said loudly, startling Meredith.

"How did you feel then, honestly?" Meredith looked at her with curiosity and hopefulness. She was hoping she would be able to label the mixture of confusing feelings that were screwing with her mind, with her whole body. Cristina had experienced an event like this, so she was the right person to ask for some help.

Or maybe not. Cristina kept silent for a moment, as if she was thinking about it and then arched an eyebrow, indignant with Meredith's question. A short ironic snicker broke in her chest. "Right! Like I am going to tell you." Meredith sniffed, annoyed, and looked away. "Don't take it so tragically," Cristina mumbled. "You are my person. Probably the only human being I love in this world, so if you want to ask me something, cry, or need my help, then let's do this."

While Cristina was confessing her deep feelings for Meredith, Meredith slowly turned her head to look at her, barely fighting back a laugh.

Cristina threw her arms in the air waiting for Meredith to start. Meredith winced in pain as the muscles of her abdomen reacted to her movements. She crammed a pillow underneath her waist and finally made herself comfortable in bed as her body was leaning against the pillow, half-facing Cristina.

Neither of them said anything for minutes, which seemed long, even endless, and neither of them looked willing to start talking.

"Your time expires the moment that Derek walks through that door," Cristina informed her, unusually calm, pointing in the direction of the door.

Meredith sighed and propped her cheek in her right hand, the left one laid down over her stomach. "I think I am ready to become a mother. I think I can be better than Ellis," she finally muttered.

Cristina stayed quiet, waiting to hear more.

"When I woke up from the anesthesia," She continued in a low murmur. "I felt alone. I had comforted myself with the future company of the baby. Derek was gone and I needed something else to … to fill the emptiness." It was surprising how many tears her tear ducts were able to produce. After she had cried a river already, a tear still formed in the corner of her eye. She wiped it and inhaled deeply to prevent a sob. Cristina might not be able to face something like this. "Now… Derek loves me and … wants me. I had the comfort of pregnancy and now… now I have Derek, so… I don't feel that lonely anymore. I feel numb when I think of the miscarriage. How am I supposed to react now?" she asked frowning. "How is Derek expecting me to react to this?"

"He's expecting you to react like … you," Cristina answered simply. Meredith looked at her, confused. "Difficult," Cristina tried to clarify her previous answer. "You are difficult to understand. This is one of the reasons I chose you to be my person," she continued. "He is expecting for it to be difficult to read you and make you talk about feelings, but he's McDreamy, so he will wait for you, patiently. Don't stress yourself too much about this. Right now, you have to focus on your recovery, because I seriously need to see you moping around here. Oh and please don't be nice to the other Grey when I am around," she groaned, rolling her eyes.

"It was his baby too. I can't be that cruel." Meredith shook her head, rejecting Cristina's words. "I have to talk to him about it."

"Then why are we talking about this?" Cristina raised her arms in exasperation and stood up from Meredith's bed. "Couldn't you have saved me from this awkward conversation?"

"It wasn't a conversation in the real meaning of the word," Meredith replied dryly.

"Do whatever you feel like you can do," Cristina spoke calmly, friendly. "You are Meredith and if you want to change the Meredith in you, then don't freak out if you can't manage to do it quickly. This takes time and you have time… and Derek." She picked up the chart from Meredith's feet and sneaked it under her arm. She hesitated for a moment looking at Meredith. "You'll remember it from time to time and it's not pleasant. You will feel the pain then, but it's bearable."

Meredith gazed at Cristina, shocked to hear her sharing the consequences of the loss they now had in common.

Cristina smiled and turned on her heels, walking to the door. "I'd wait for Derek, but you're tearing and that's too much for me." She blinked back her own tears.

Meredith chuckled. As Cristina said: 'You are difficult to understand… this is one of the reasons I chose you to be my person.' That was why Meredith had chosen Cristina to be her friend, her sister, her person, her everything.

"Cristina?" Meredith called after her when Cristina opened the door to leave. Cristina stopped in the doorway and looked back at Meredith. "You said I am the only human being you love. Which is the non-human thing you love? I know you are definitely not a pet lover." Meredith giggled.

Cristina frowned and her eyes narrowed. "I'm seriously considering dismissing you from the position of my person." With that, Cristina walked outside and shut the door after her.

"Scalpel." Meredith smiled as she found herself the answer.

--

_**This was the last update for a while. I didn't have time to write more, but tomorrow I'll leave for a short vacation and I'll catch up with the writing during next week.**_

_**Happy Easter to those who celebrate it this Sunday!**_

_**See you soon,**_

_**Dana**_


	6. Chapter 6

Derek had to admit that after a substantial meal, the tiredness was more obvious; his whole body felt heavy, his muscles aching, not to mention the sleep, which was making his eyelids heavier. Despite all these, he knew everything would feel better in the moment he would be with Meredith again.

"Dr. Shepherd!" At first, the female voice sounded unfamiliar to Derek, but as it came closer and called his name again, Derek recognized it. Reluctantly, he turned on his heels to wait for that person to reach him.

"Rose." He mumbled under his breath trying to hide the regret for meeting her.

"Derek" Rose smiled as she reached close enough to him to call him by his first name.

"Rose." Derek said again, this time louder and trying to smile and not to look rude.

Slowly, Rose's big smile started to lose from its intensity. "I heard." She said with a sympathetic tone in her voice. "Uh…"

Derek waited patiently for her to say whatever she had to say. He knew he should talk to her now and explain the situation between the three of them, but he was feeling too embarrassed and too tired to find the right explanation without hurting Rose's feelings.

"I don't know." She continued slightly confused. "Should I feel sorry?" She asked him.

Derek stared at her outraged. That was definitely something he hadn't expected to hear from her. "What's that suppose to mean?" Derek asked her, hardly trying not to shout at her.

Rose stared at him worried. Her big eyes frowned with worry and the smile disappeared completely off her lips. "I…uh…"

"Are you saying that Meredith wasn't carrying _my_ baby? Or that I wouldn't have wanted that baby?" In an instant, Derek's face flushed with anger and his hands rolled into fits. Only witnesses and the gentleman inside of him held him back from not pushing her against the wall.

Rose made a step backward scared of his reaction. "We all know who is Meredith Grey." She grumbled.

"Really?" Derek laughed sarcastic. "And who are all we?" This time, Rose couldn't find the dare to reply. "Oh I think I know." Derek continued with the same sarcasm in his voice. "All the worthless nurses who are doing anything else but what they are paid for."

Derek's words seemed to have an impact on Rose, who frowned and adopted an offended attitude. "You don't have to be this rude. We…"

Derek cut her words off with another sarcastic laugher, shaking his head. He would have wanted to shout it loud and clear, but they had stopped beside Meredith's room, so he leaned to Rose's ear. "Nobody. Nobody knows Meredith." He whispered. With that, he turned around and walked discreetly in Meredith's room, leaving Rose staring at them through the window from the hospital room.

When Derek walked inside her room, Meredith had her face turned away from him, sounding asleep. Careful not to make a noise, Derek pulled his chair beside her bed and sat down. He took carefully her hand between his propping his chin on them.

"I don't think your girlfriend finds you so McDreamy after all these." Meredith muttered silently as she turned to look at Derek.

Derek knew what she was talking about, so he chuckled as he stood up and leaned to kiss her softly on lips. "What does my girlfriend need to find me McDreamy again?" He asked her, while a cheerful smile played on his lips.

"Probably to spend less time in the hospital room with your ex-girlfriend." Meredith answered and glanced over his shoulder, where outside on hall, Rose was still having her eyes pinned on them.

Derek looked back into the direction that Meredith was looking and met Rose's stare. Derek glared at her and she walked away immediately.. "A date doesn't mean relationship." He said looking back at Meredith.

"A date plus sex can mean a relationship." Meredith stated.

Derek chuckled and leaned to her for another kiss. "I love to see you jealous. Maybe I should date more often." Though she knew he was mocking her, Meredith couldn't hide her irritation and this thing thrilled Derek even more. "How are you feeling?" He asked her more serious this time.

Meredith shrugged and answered with sincerity. "I don't know."

Derek smiled nodding and brought her hand on his cheek rubbing the soft skin of her hand against his unshaved cheek. Meredith smiled as she looked at him, carefully studying each of his features. "I look better than you." She muttered.

"I told you so." Derek chuckled. "I forgot to ask the chief when you will be discharged." He said and stood up looking around him. "Where's your chart? I still didn't get a full resume of your surgery."

"I was bleeding out." Meredith muttered looking away. Her health state was still a sensitive subject for her. A tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it before Derek could see it.

"Ok, but where's your chart?" Derek asked her a little irritated.

"Cristina took it with her." Meredith answered now irritated too because of Derek's insistence. "I think something is wrong with me." She mumbled.

That caught Derek's attention and made him come to her bedside immediately. He sat down beside her, propped his hands on each side of her and stared at her smiling his comforting smile. "What does she know?" He asked her, fighting hardly the terrifying feeling that took over him as he heard that.

Meredith looked at him and smiled faintly. His fear didn't touch his voice, but it did touch his eyes. "I don't know. Don't worry. Whatever is it…" She stopped not finding the power to continue without letting the tears flood her eyes again.

"I'm here with you." Derek added to whatever she wanted to say.

"This is so hard." Meredith sighed and faced away from Derek. She was no longer in the state of hiding her pain. Tears came out streaming down her face, sobs breaking against her chest.

"It is, but it will get easier." Derek leaned down to her, his lips barely touching her ear and whispered comfortingly.

"Promise?" She asked between sobs.

Derek remained quiet for a few moments before he answered. "I promise." He wished he could have sound more convincing. "We'll find away to make it easier. I promise."

"Ok, but… don't leave right away." Meredith turned to look at him and smiled, slowly caressing his cheek. She moved on one side, wincing a little because of the pain, and put her arm around Derek's waist.

"Ok." Derek promised. He knew it would be useless to repeat for her that he would be there for her forever. She wasn't in the state to believe him right now and their history as couple wasn't helping him either. He was going to show it to her in time.

Derek made himself comfortable in Meredith's bed, carefully avoiding the wires. "I'm taking you to a long nice vacation." Derek grinned hoping to lighten up her mood a little. As he said that, he read the refuse from Meredith's face. "And no objections are accepted." He added with the same smile playing across his lips. He leaned to her, his lips barely kissing the tip of her nose. "Or would you prefer a ment-" He paused for a moment before changing the word. "an health center?"

"Ok." Meredith agreed halfheartedly.

Derek lifted his eyebrows, smiling pleasantly surprised by the easiness that Meredith accepted the idea.

Meredith giggled at his reaction, her sobs slowly fading now. "Don't you think a mental institution would be better for me than a vacation?" She asked him.

Derek chuckled and shook his head disapprovingly. "I think a nice long vacation… with me," He added. "Is exactly what you need."

"You are not a psych. You don't know that for sure." Meredith cut him off.

"I'm not." He agreed. "But I am a brilliant neurosurgeon; a handsome one too."

While Derek was bragging about his qualities, Meredith started shaking her head giggling.

"What?" Derek frowned his forehead acting offended. "Ain't I a brilliant surgeon?" He asked her.

"You are." Meredith admitted.

Derek lifted an eyebrow suggestively as he asked her… "Ain't I handsome?"

Meredith laughed and nodded. "You are."

"Then? What are you finding wrong at me?" He asked her.

"You should spend less time with me, because … I have this impression that you are losing your insanity." Meredith teased him.

"Wrong sentence structure." Derek corrected her smiling. He brushed the back of his hand against her cheek and leaned to kiss her on forehead. "I should spend more time you, because I have this impression that I'm losing my insanity."

Meredith smiled as she shook her head disapprovingly, but her smile didn't touch her eyes. "Where are we going?"

"I-I didn't make a plan yet." Derek confessed. "But I am good at these things." He smirked proudly.

"But do they let you come with me for this long vacation?" Meredith asked him.

"No." Derek laughed. "They forced me to go."

Meredith was much calmer now. Her eyes stopped from tearing, her sobs were far-gone, her forehead was smooth and what Derek loved the most at her in that moment was the smile that was playing on her lips.

"See?" Derek whispered, winding a strand of her hair around his finger. "As long as we can make fun of any situation we can make things easier. You've had just a lot of bad luck until now, but it won't last forever."

"How do you know that?" She asked him.

"Because you have me." Derek smirked very full of himself. "I am …" He continued, but Meredith held up her hand for him to shut up, laughing at his brag. "I am." Derek protested.

"You are." Meredith gave up, laughing and leaning to kiss him. She pulled back a little, an inch away from his face, holding his cheek cupped in her hand and gazing into his eyes. "I missed you." She whispered.

Derek took her cheek in his hand too and brought closer her face to his. "You have no idea." He breathed against her face, both of them just staring at each other after their confessions. Derek rested his forehead against Meredith's and closed his eyes, still holding her cheek in his hand.

Meredith knew he fell asleep from the moment he had closed his eyes, so she continued to gaze at him in silence, just slowly tracing the line of his jaw with her finger.

That was how Cristina and Dr. Weber found them when they walked inside Meredith's room. "I told you to tie him on a bed." Cristina said loudly, making sure that Derek would wake up.

Indeed, Derek jumped upright, sleepy and confused. "Chief." He soon became of aware of other people's presence in there and got out of Meredith's bed.

"Send him home, Meredith." The chief shook his head disapprovingly as he came at Meredith's bedside, closely followed by Cristina, who was also carrying Meredith's chart.

"I tried." Meredith sighed.

"I'll go home…" Derek glared at them. "When Meredith will be discharged." He sat down on her bed, looking after her hand to hold.

"How is the pain?" The Chief asked Meredith.

"It's not so bad." Meredith admitted. "It hurts only when I move."

"Well… you have a pretty long cut along your pelvis, but we did fine sutures so it shouldn't be so obvious." Dr. Weber said, very professional. "If you will get to feel better in the next days, then you be discharged early next week, so Derek, please go home and get some sleep in a normal bed. I'm sure that Meredith won't be left alone while you will be gone." He continued as he turned to look at Cristina, delegating her with Meredith's supervision during Derek's absence.

"He is right, Derek." Meredith looked at Derek and smiled.

"Of course he is right." Cristina interfered. "You started to irritate everyone around here."

Derek chuckled running a hand over his cheek. "It does irritate, isn't it? I'll go… in the morning."

"No." Cristina protested. "The nights are mine. You take the days." Then she noticed the curious stares from the others. "It's the safest, admit it." She told her chief.

"Dr. Yang, she just had a surgery, so I don't believe we should worry about …_that_." Dr. Weber cut her off.

"You never can be sure with these two." Cristina said in her defense.

Dr. Weber rolled his eyes and focused back on the purpose of their visit there. "You are going to fully recover, Meredith, so I want you to stay calm, let aside all the stress and… go to a vacation. I suppose that Derek told you already about it."

"He did." Meredith nodded. "But are you sure I can take a long vacation? I will miss a lot from work."

He smiled at her. "Your health is much more important. After this vacation, I am sure you will be able to face all the work from here, so go without worrying about your job here. Both of you."

"We got it, Chief. Don't worry, I'll bring her back." Derek smirked at them, at Meredith in particular.

"You better." Cristina warned him.

While Cristina and Derek exchanged glares, Meredith caught Weber's eyes on her. "There's something more, isn't it?" She asked him, taking Derek and Cristina by surprise.

The Chief didn't answer immediately and that made Derek panic, especially after he saw Cristina stopping with her childish attitude. "What is it?" He asked them.

"We…" Dr. Weber started hesitantly. "We saw something at the ultrasound we made before getting you into surgery. We saw the bleeding, but… we saw something else too." As he said that, he saw the exchange of panicked looks that Meredith and Derek gave each other. "It's all gone now so I don't want you to worry about it."

"What was it?" Meredith asked Cristina.

"A benign tumor, not very large, but it was located on one of the tubes that stopped the pregnancy from developing." Cristina explained.

"We made a quick biopsy during the surgery to be sure of what we cut." Dr. Weber continued. "And then we sent another sample for a higher quality biopsy and we just received the results back. Also benign, so we are sure that nothing was left in there."

Meredith had listened to their explication staring at them with serenity. As Dr. Weber ended his narration about her diagnosis, Meredith sighed. "Ok" She said with calm.

Everybody looked at her incredulously. "What?" She asked them, forcing herself to laugh while tears started flooding her eyes again. "My father left me when I was only a child, my mother was never really my mother, my father chose to raise other girls instead of me so… to have a tumor isn't such a surprise."

"Had a tumor." Cristina cut her off. "A benign one, so don't take it so dramatically."

"I am not taking it dramatically." Meredith sounded calm as she spoke. "That's my life and I started to get used with all kind of things hitting me. That's my life story." She repeated, this time looking at Derek. "They should write a book or make a movie about my life. They would get a good drama and make lot of money." She said laughing, but nobody else laughed. "That's my life, Derek." Meredith stopped from laughing, but smiled at him though her eyes were flooded with tears.

Derek smiled back and leaned to her for a kiss. "I know and you are right… your story could become a television drama."

"So you are staying with me for money now." Meredith laughed mocking him.

"That's right." Derek laughed too and kissed her again.

_**--**_

_**I decided to end this fic with this chapter. The ideas I had for this fic, I'll use them for a new one with a better storyline. Thank you so much for all your reviews. It meant a lot to me.**_

_**Thank you, Ella for helping with the Beta!**_


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